Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Monday, April 2, 2018

The Three of Us

In loving memory of Aaron Havenga (April 2, 1975 ~ November 20, 1994)


Aaron: Before you were born,
we held your sister Sarah,
and loved her deeply.



You can see in the photos
how the three of us wanted 
a baby brother for her.


Then you were born,
and our joy was multiplied.
Our family complete.



Mary and I watched
the two of you play together;
always together,
making your own fun.



Sarah loved you deeply.
You loved her too.
You took care of each other.


We took care of you and Sarah.



Somehow, nineteen years sailed by,
and you passed from this life.
Your sister now brotherless;
your parents counting the years,
carrying a suffering love for you. 



The three of us carrying on, 
carrying our memories of you
deep in our hearts.

Because we carry
the Spirit of God,
which dwells within us. 
© 2018 Richard Havenga



Photos 1 - 6 by Mary Havenga, from Sarah Havenga's collection.



Saturday, June 20, 2015

A Father's Day Message


I originally published this post in 2012. Re-published it in 2013, and 2014. During this time, some fathers have been added, and some have passed away. Happy Father's Day in 2015!


A Writer/Naturalist I've greatly admired since 1989, Rick Bass, loves his daughters dearly. In his 2009 book, The Wild Marsh (Four Seasons at Home in Montana) (Wild Marsh) , he ponders the fast and relentless pace of childhood as he watches his children grow.

In the "July" chapter, Bass writes:

"I know I'm doing what I can to slow it down. Reading to them in the evenings, cooking with them, taking them on hikes, and swimming in the mountain lakes.

"Any activity I do with them could be done faster and more efficiently, but only recently have I come to understand that the slower and more inefficiently we do things, the greater is my gain, our gain; the less quickly that galloping stretch of time passes...

"If I'll only watch and listen, they'll show me -- for a while -- how to slow time down: instructing me in a way that I could never otherwise learn from the caring counsel of my friends, and their experiences."


If you are blessed with children, and they are a blessing, I hope you are enjoying them as they are growing through their years; growing through your years.

Over the past 20 years, I've become very verbal when I see Fathers interacting with their children, in positive, caring, and fun ways. Especially when they are outdoors: in the park, at the playground, messing around in the creek, going fishing, watching insects up close, or spotting planets in the night sky. They may be working in the garden with their kids, raking leaves, building a snowman, taking a hike, exploring the woods, or simply balancing on an elevated log:



Whether I'm running, walking, biking, or even driving by, I'll often stop, and announce across the distance, to guys I don't even know, and will never see again:

"WAY TO BE A GOOD DAD!"


I know this great Father. This is Ross Peterson with five of their six adopted children. His good wife Chanda, Home Schools these fine kids. We've known Ross since birth. He was our son Aaron's best friend as they were growing from boyhood into manhood.

I've been doing this small, but important, act of recognition since 1994. Now, I would like all of you to join me in this special mission. Six, simple, one-syllable words to say:

"WAY TO BE A GOOD DAD !"

Give the compliment. Spend it, don't save it. Give it all you've got. Someday it may come back to you.


To the upcoming list of Good Fathers I know, some of the older guys will remember the simple phrase from a "Sweet Baby James" (Taylor) song:

"Shower the people you love with love,
 Show them the way that you feel"

And bring them to church with you, so the entire family can get to know Our Father, who art in Heaven...









Some Good Fathers I Know


Rick Adamy
Jeff Agar
Rick Amann
Roger Anderson
Ned Andre
Randy Argall
Matt Bailey
Matthew Bailey
Jason Balgavy
Lazarus Banks
Jeff Belmonte
Wade Bernreuter
Andy Biermacher
Tom Blackford Sr.  *
Tom Blackford Jr.
Matt Block
Tom Brege
John Brillhart  *
Matt Burton
Chad Carlisle
Dirk Casmier
Jesse Causer
Charles Clark
Mike Clark
Terry Cliff
Joe Costello
Eric Curtiss
Scott Czarnopys
Don Dahlquist
John D'Amico
Paul Damon
Dave Dessellier
Nathan DeVos
Kevin DeVries
Alex DeYonker
Jim Dillenburg
Peter Draugalis Sr. *
Peter Draugalis Jr. *
Tim Duitsman
Dale Dykema
Kevin Ecclesine
Bud Elve
Dick Farrer
Jerry Field
Steve Foote
Bob Gansler
Santiago Garcia
Bill Geldersma
Gil Girtz
Paul Gordon
Dennis Gray
Lee Grogg
Gary Harmon
William Havenga *
Richard J. Havenga*
Bill Havenga*
Jim Havenga
John Havenga
Bill Henkel
Chis Henkel
Jim Henkel
Kelly Henkel
Pat Henkel
Richard Henkel *
Ryan Henkel
Terry Henkel
Tom Henkel
Richard Heroux *
Gord Herrema
Greg Hewitt
Andrew Hoekstra
Jeremy Howard
Josh Howerton
Ken Hume
Ken Hyink
Andy Jackson
Jason Janoski
Ryan Jett
Benny Johnson
Pete Johnson
Al Jongekrijg
Scott Jongekrijg
Todd Jongekrijg
Joe Junewick
Chris Karlson
Jeff Karlson
Jerry Karlson
Matt Karlson
Nate Karlson
Dick Kearns
John Keenoy Sr. *
Steve Kelly
Ernie Kenneway
Jason Kinzler *
Rick Kircheis
Harry Konyenbelt
Jeff Kowatch
Tony Kubat
Dale Lamps
Mike Lannan
Justin Leslie
Jim Long
John Longcore
Dave Lenox
Scott Lenox
Bob Mack
Jason Mahar
James Martin
Scott McDaid
Bob McElliott
Joe McGrath
Bob McIntyre *
Don Melvin
John Merchun
Jason Meyer
John Miller
Scott Mince
Steve Mueller
Mike Murphy
Jason Nielsen
Chris Norman *
Heath Oberloh
Jeff Odem
Russ Olivier
Jessy Ouzts
Lou Palmerlee *
Joe Partin
Kirk Partin
Wayne Partin
Father Mark Peacock
Joel Peterson
Marc Peterson
Merle Peterson
Ross Peterson
Jason Piotrowski
Pete Prina
Phil Provost
Tom Rademacher
Dave Ramsey
Jay Reed
Jeff Reminga
Jon Rick
Dathan Ritzenhein
Carlos H. Rodriguez
Gary Roode
Curtis Rowe
Peter Rowe
Michael Ryan
Bob Salik *
Roy Shaw
John Shelton
Bob Siegel
Joel Siemens
Mike Sissing
Bill Sleeman
Brad Smith
Wilton Smith
Larry Snyder
Jim Sowle
Chuck Spliedt
Rydder Sprik
Denny Stelzer
Joe Stojak
Jim Stone
Lee Strassburger
Dan Takens
Chuck Tappa
Jim Taylor Sr. *
Jim Taylor Jr. *
Steve Tebeau
Manny Tendero
John Thomas
Owen Thompson
Brad Thorsted
Jim Timmer III
Bill Trowbridge
Greg Uhlenbrock
Hank Uhlenbrock *
Justin VanSpronsen
Dan Villalobos
Tom Vincent
Max Weighmink
Mel Westbrook
Joe Wilusz
Terry Winkle
Wayne Witt
Mike Zoerhoff


* Deceased




My Father: Richard John Havenga  (1923-2006)  I Love you Dad.


My only Son: Aaron Richard Havenga  (1975-1994) I Love you Aaron. I miss you Buddy.





Aaron would have been an excellent Father, but his Heavenly Father called him home early.





So, can you really slow down the passage of time? No.  But there are ways to enjoy the passing of time.

Think: There may not be a next time.

Live each day as if life is a blessing.

Take time.

Make time.

This time.

Now, my friends, here is the best daughter this world has created, and I thank God that she is my daughter, a true blessing in my life... Sarah Havenga. I love you Sarah.






Remember the six words.


You may also like to read: Journey of a Journal - April 2, 2013.



Photo Locations:

1. & 2. Home Woods.

3. & 4. St. Andrew's Cathedral, (St. Andrew's) Grand Rapids, Michigan

5. First Home

6. Lake Michigan - Pentwater State Park,  Michigan 

7. Platte River - Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore,  Michigan







Thursday, April 12, 2012

Open the Door

Are you frustrated with how your kids spend their hours and days at home? Head bent down, eyes fixated on some small screen...occupied. Will it be more of the same this summer?

One suggestion: Open the Door. The open door is an invitation to explore. Get them out while they are young.



Remove the obstacles. Make an attempt to abandon the impediments: TV, computer, iphone, ipad, i-(fill-in-the-blank). And please, find the time, make time to join them. Strengthen you parent-child bond.



Show your enthusiasm for nature. You are an important ingredient to help nourish it in your child.

Surrounded by a quiet, natural setting, children will come alive with their inherent curiosity. Let them be spontaneous. Follow their interests. Stimulate the use of their senses. Slow down. Look. Listen. Learn.


"I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in tune once more."   John Burroughs


Twice in the past four years, I have read this book from our Kent District Library, (KDL) and last week our dear daughter Sarah gifted me with my own copy. It included her "Dear Daddy" dedication inside. Thank you Sarah! The book: Last Child in the Woods (Saving Our Children From Nature Deficit Disorder) by Richard Louv. c2005, c2008. (Last Child)Louv was the recipient of the 2008 Audubon Medal.

Please allow me to present several excerpts, for they enumerate a prevailing theme throughout Louv's book:

  • Why do so many Americans say they want their children to watch less TV, yet continue to expand the opportunities for them to watch it?     p.63
  • There is a real world beyond the glass, for children who look, for those whose parents encourage them to truly see.     p.64
  • Children need nature for the healthy development of their senses, and, therefore, for learning and creativity.     p.54
  • ...natural settings are essential for healthy child development because they stimulate all the senses and integrate informal play with formal learning.     p.85
  • ...multisensory experiences in nature help to build the cognitive constructs necessary for sustained intellectual development, and stimulate imagination... Natural spaces... serve as the medium of inventiveness and creativity. (Robin Moore)     p.87
  • Children learn about the rain forest, but usually not about their own region's forests, or even just the meadow outside the classroom door. (David Sobel)     p.135
        
"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he or she needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement, and mystery of the world we live in."  Rachel Carson


Finally, Richard Louv writes about his own two sons, now grown into men:

I feel a sense of pride and relief that they have grown well, and a deep grief that my years as a parent of young children is over, except in memories. And I am thankful. The times I spent with my children in nature are among my most meaningful memories-- and I hope theirs.

When you spend time outdoors with your kids when they are young, most likely they will want to continue the adventures when they too become adults. See Rich, Mary and Sarah hiking at this famous location.




Every Father's Day, Sarah creates a loving, hand-made, personalized card for me. A special photograph of when she was my little girl usually makes the cover page. Of course these photos bring tears to my eyes. Or it may be a more recent photo like when I'm carrying Sarah (now in her 30s) piggy-back, as I wade across the Platte River in Northwest Michigan.



The best part however, is the loving message she writes on the inside of the card. It comes from deep inside her heart, and reaches deep into mine. Her words linger... the memories endure.


This photograph is our sweet Sarah at Lake Michigan, when she came from California to visit her "Mommy and Daddy" at Christmas. She strikes her "Thank you God for a wonderful day!" response.



                                               We love you Sarah!                 We all miss you Aaron.









Photo Locations:

1. & 2. Flagstaff,  (Flagstaff) Arizona
3. Arches National Monument, (Arches) Utah
4. Platte River, (Platte River) Honor,  Michigan
5. Grand Haven, (Grand Haven) Michigan